I ate at ‘the world’s worst restaurant’ and now it’s even worse

But I also remember Mugaritz for bad reasons, for reasons that, if amplified or extrapolated, could most definitely turn it into the worst restaurant in the world: the mushy, fermented avocado served as an amuse bouche; the little booklet on the table with a glossary of terms that included the likes of, “Convention: Door that begs to be knocked down”; the octopus roe served on our hands because “this is the way people in poor countries eat”; and yes, the live animal, a baby eel served encased in a bubble of seawater, a dish called “Conception”.

Clearly, five years later, Aduriz has taken the latter elements and chosen to focus solely on them, now serving soup out of a rubbery blob that looks like a belly button (called “The world’s navel”), plus a gel that looks – and apparently tastes – like lip gloss, which has to be scooped out of a narrow cup with your fingers (like, er, lip gloss). There’s also a dish called “Exquisite corpse”.

What even is this? Is it designed for pleasure? Because if it is, it’s failing spectacularly. And if it isn’t, then … what even is it?

I have no plans to go back to Mugaritz. I mentioned this last week. I’m really pleased I ate there when I did, when the place was on the borderline – a good mix of fun and funk, of beauty and stupidity.

But the stuff they’re doing now, wildly experimental and with total disregard for diners, I don’t ever want to experience, let alone pay an eye-watering amount of money for.

And anyway, there’s no need, because you’re in San Sebastian. You want a luxurious dining experience? You can have it. Almost anywhere.

Walk the streets of the Parte Vieja, the old town, or across the river in Gros, and call in to a few bars for a drink and a snack. Go to Bodega Donostiarra for an indurain, a skewer of tuna belly, salt-cured anchovy, guindilla peppers, pickled onion and olive. Go to Bar Nestor for a steak and some tomatoes. Go to Tamboril for the raw tuna in escabeche with black peppercorns.

If you want to sit down for your luxurious meal, check out Casa Urola, or Ganbara, or Gerald’s Bar, Lanperna or Arenales. If you want the high-end experience, go to Arzak, where the food is occasionally a little crazy, but the focus is 100 per cent on the customers having a good time (waiters take you through the set menu at the beginning and offer to replace anything that doesn’t sound good).

There’s a niche movement worldwide now towards wildly experimental, “multi-sensory” fine dining, inspired no doubt by El Bulli, the revolutionary Spanish restaurant that pioneered the concept of “molecular gastronomy”.

That idea has been pushed further, which is why you now see diners being asked to suck foam out of a plaster cast of the chef’s lips, or eat a dish shaped like a human tongue.

Or, I guess, eat a live animal. Don’t spend your money like this. There’s better food in the world.