Ten essential travel skills worthy of their own gold medals
By Riley Wilson
We’re all for our champs in green and gold, but the marathon-like escapades that travel demands are worthy of an Olympic medal. We wrangle, we navigate, we co-ordinate; we translate, navigate and relocate. Then there’s the bartering and geolocating. Frankly, as far travel is concerned, we’re going for gold.
Go for gold when you travel by demonstrating your Olympic-level skills.Credit: iStock
Elite carry-on skills
The scale flubbed, and you’ve already checked your main bag; you’re faced with a stealth situation. What will you do with the extra socks, postcards, sunscreen and thick tome you stuck in your carry-on, which now feels like it’s precariously close to the limit? Pockets are handy, as is an effective layering technique, but timing is a sign of a true crisis manager. Bring your bag down to seven kilograms just before boarding and waddle your over-clothed self to the gate with the self-assurance of someone who promises themselves that next time they’ll leave that bloody book at home.
Refusing to be broken
Don’t let a broken check-in kiosk break you.Credit: Michele Mossop
A true challenge to any self-respecting modern traveller, the broken self-check-in kiosk is a test of control and grace. More often than not, the machines are busted, unresponsive or spirit-breaking, and the longing for human assistance rings loudly. Award yourself a 10 out of 10 for managing your frustration, then calmly wave down the stressed-out ground staff designated to this particular circle of hell. Gold stars for everyone.
Timing the bathroom sprint
With this sport, the distinction between amateurs and pros is as clear as the difference between cabin-wide enthusiasm at takeoff versus landing. Top marks to those athletes who time their sprint before meal service, as to not delay the crew when they’re attempting to serve, and after they’ve seen someone depart the cubicle. The most valuable player is anyone who avoids queueing. Red flags to those who try to body-roll past people standing in the aisle or who linger near the loos longer than necessary.
Timeline tenacity
Modern flying is unpredictable. If you keep it tight, you risk missing your flight and destroying your intricate web of boarding passes and city transfers, but long waits mean you could end up exhausting yourself between destinations and waste valuable travel time sitting around. Gold goes to the legend who manages to make it to the final destination without running between gates, and with all bags and 95 per cent of their sanity in check.
Sorting snack selection
For the ultimate 10-pointer, regardless of your transportation, hit the flawless snack trifecta. Your snack of choice must be easily portable – pouches, bags and resealable containers or environmentally friendly paper products earn top marks; they must also be minimally disruptive to your fellow passengers (consider sound and scent) and offer maximum flavour. This one can be a real team sport, too, so pack accordingly.
Perfecting the dismount
Kids and weary parents may make up most contenders in this category, but it’s all about the alighting and dismounting of a travelator that can make an athlete. Too fast an entry and you’re falling over your feet; too speedy a departure and the real world’s pace slaps you in the face with its cloying slowness. You’ll have a solid lead time on the electric caterpillar, so take a breather for the stretch, then bend into your knees and dismount with aplomb.
Expert baggage handling
Credit: Illustration: Greg Straight
Despite modern airport innovations – from high-tech security scanning to new-fangled autonomous luggage-carrying robots – we still haven’t evolved the baggage carousel from its rudimentary status as a mob-mentality horror show. Masters of this craft are an extremely rare breed: they stand back from the belt, maintain appropriate distance from other passengers, and don’t linger long. Quick tag-check for ownership and the champs are off to first place, bag in tow.
Impeccable timing
Unfamiliar transport timelines can add a quandary to any adventure, whether it requires Japan’s subway network, Eurostar madness, or the nuances of a once-a-day ferry in a far-flung archipelago. Find yourself a teammate: locals are key to success here, and if you exercise your curiosity you’ll come up with the goods. A star-studded ticket to the top starts with a literal ticket to your destination, via questions and a backpack-worth of patience.
Taxi hail heroism
Hailing a taxi requires finesse.Credit: iStock
Whether you’re standing on NYC’s Fifth Avenue staring at a sea of yellow cabs or attempting to depart Ho Chi Minh’s bustling airport, the taxi hail requires finesse and athleticism that’s mastered through careful practice. Plant your feet firmly, shoot your arm out and hold firm. Don’t be disheartened if you don’t have natural talent for this one; it’s an everyone’s-a-winner-eventually sport. Your reward comes next, in the form of a sticky vinyl seat and a chatty driver.
Elite cash-in-hand hand movement
You’re at a market in a new city and haggling down the price on that can’t-live-without antique doorknob. You’ve convinced the seller that you know your stuff and you’ve agreed on a price within your souvenir budget. The prize for this – effectively hiding the majority of your market moolah in the palm of your hand as you smoothly pull out only the applicable bills – is the sense of achievement only possible when you’re not taken for a goofy tourist who overpays for local leftovers.
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